Current Events

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Washington Redskins Planning for the Future

Redskins Looking for New Coach
It is rumored that Dan Snyder has  been talking to Bill Cowher about replacing Mike Shanahan for the 2011 season.  Although Shanahan has won 50% more games than his predecessor, Jim Zorn, and could conceivably get one more for a 7-9 record, if the Giants late season collapse continues, Snyder seems ready to make a change.  Cowher would be only an interim solution, of course, and it is likely that Snyder is waiting for Tom Coughlin to be fired and become available for 2012.  Meanwhile Redskin lawyers are studying the 22nd Amendment to see if it would permit a third term for Joe Gibbs.  In anticipation of that possibility, Snyder has already signed several experienced players to shore up the offensive and defensive  lines.  Joe Jacoby, Dexter Manley and Hall of Famer Russ Grimm have all been seen working out at Redskins Park.  Sam Huff has declined to come back to lead the defense, unless Sonny Jurgensen agrees to come back for at least one full season at quarterback.  When interviewed by Lindsey Czarniak about his possible return to the Redskin roster, Manley said: “That would be better than a wet dream.”  Lindsey kicked him in the groin and observed she had the same thing in mind for Snyder.

I received a comment by email that said it's the curse of Crazy Horse and the Redskins will never recover their winning ways until they get rid of the name and Dan Snyder.


  1. Redskins?

    For several years I have opined that the "Redskins" (none of whom is "red," either ethnically or politically) have been laboring under the Curse of Crazy Horse , who was murdered by the US Army in 1877, according to a recent biography. He and his Sioux tribesmen had defeated Custer at Little Big Horn the previous year.

    The Crazy Horse Curse was also hanging over my alma mater, the Fighting Illini, until they permanently benched Chief Illiniwek a few years back, at which point the Curse was lifted and their winning ways resumed.

    That "Redskins" is inherently offensive to most Native Americans (and those who support them), as well as their Oriental cousins*) should be obvious to most sentient beings. Imagine the reaction were Dan Snyder to rename the team the "Blackskins," despite its apt ethnic characterization of both the team's venue and much of its membership.

    How many coaches has the team had under Snyder? Why has their record in Washington failed to match their previous (or subsequent) records? Ask Crazy Horse!

    You may replace the current crew with the avatars of earlier players who were able to overcome the Curse -- even throw in Sammy Baugh (1914-2008) -- but Snyder and the name must be retired if the Curse is to be lifted.

    Oskiwawa, Illinois!

    Sitting (but not Speaking) Bull

  2. The Afghan Quarterback
    The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

    Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.


    He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.


    Then he threw another at a passing car going 100 mph.


    "I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

    So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

    The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

    "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

    "I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

    "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

    "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

    "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"